Reprinted with the Author's Permission
My heart would be empty now if it weren't for the pain that is filling it. As many of you know, Ledo has always been one of the "difficult" ones when it came to controlling his seizures. I thought the PB would be a magic pill, I then hoped the KBr would be the magic squirt...I prayed the additional medications added after the two "majors" would at least improve his control. For those of you new to this horrifying illness, please do not be discouraged that one or all of them may not work for your baby. Every dog is different, and epilepsy is not like the flu where one medication will work for all. Please don't give up hope and keep trying as long as you and your baby can both have hope and a quality of life. I tried everything possible looking for the "final magic"...unfortunately, none of this was to be the case for Ledo.
Ledo began having seizures shortly after his fourth birthday (April 06, 1995). He has been living with seizures since that time, I've been NOT living in order to be here as much of the time as possible with him. Fortunately I only have to go to the office if I want to. He has been my life, my ray of hope, the warmth in my heart, all of his life.
His seizures have been getting more frequent recently, increased medications including valium after seizures have only decreased his quality of life rather than decreasing the seizures. I made up my mind a few weeks ago that I absolutely love this dog too much to allow this to continue. When he would look at me with his beautiful brown eyes seemingly asking "why do I keep falling down, why do I 'wake' up in places I didn't go to sleep in" it would hurt even more knowing that there was no way I could explain it to him. The light at the end of the tunnel was always hoped for, but never seemed to penetrate the darkness.
It was with broken heart and tear soaked pillows that I had Ledo's vet come to the house this afternoon and release him from his seemingly never ending battle with the demons. As he lay on the bed in my arms, he quietly and painlessly moved from his living hell to a place in my heart that he will always fill with both loving and painful memories. There was no pain, no whimper, not even a flinch as his vet inserted the needle. I never dreamed that something so painful for me could be so absolutely peaceful for him. Shadam was there as well to say his goodbye's, since Ledo has been his baby since Ledo was 4.5 weeks old. So far, Shadam is handling this much better than I am. I could not stand the thought of letting the vet take him with her, so instead we will be driving him to Little Friends in another hour or so for the cremation. I have insisted on witnessing the cremation which will be later this week, and I can bring him home that day.
I want to take a moment to thank Ledo for all that he has taught me. I have always been a perfectionist and expected the same from everyone/everything that surrounded me. Ledo taught me that perfect is a word that should never have been included in the dictionary. He taught me that love is the only thing that matters and he taught me how to love again. I can only hope that I learned well enough to be able to love as "unconditionally" as he did. I love you Ledo, you will never be far from my thoughts, and you will never be replaced in my heart. Rest peacefully my love, chase those cats, rabbits and butterflies until your heart is content. Sleep quietly in knowing that you gave me far more than I could have ever given you. No more will demons from hell descend upon you in the middle of the night.
I would like to thank all of you for your support, suggestions and always present shoulders to cry on. Please feel free to email me privately if you like. I wish all of your special pals the absolute best and may God bless you all.
David, Shadam and an always in my heart Ledo (04/06/91 - 07/27/98)
You can contact David Pierce at david_pierce@houston.rr.com
Copyright 1998 by David Pierce.